untitled #42
as i sit here on my roof top … chain smoking, listening to people laughing, and drinking beer … i realize a couple of things …
1. i’m not the drinker i used to be … three beers in and i’m getting emotional.
2. it is much cooler on my roof than in my house.
and
3. my life is lonely.
i’m not going to deny this is mostly due to me. i made someone my world. i neglected friends, and now that he is gone, understandably, they do not have much time for me.
now that i’m alone, i have an abundance of time to sit and reflect. god, if i could go back and do things all over again, i would. but life does not work that way. mistakes are chalked up to experience … but sometimes, experience is not all it is cracked up to be. this “everything happens for a reason” is an excuse to make a person feel better about their poor life choices.
i’m just going to continue to sit here drinking my PBR and smoking one after another thinking about where my life is going. i’m going to try and stop thinking about where it has been. it does no good to dwell in the past. i can only hope that these “life experiences” have taught me not to invest my entire heart into someone, no matter how inviting that idea remains. i can only hope that the beer will drown my sorrows, even if it is momentarily, to shrug off the shittiness of the day. and that in the end, the world will come together how it should be.
