and sometimes at night …
… i think about the most awful things. i have no clue why. it’s definitely not a ideal time to start with these thoughts. they keep you up. they stab your soul …
… tonight is no different. i let these thoughts flood my being. now there is a full on battle to make them retreat …
… i hope that one day, i can finally just leave you in my past. if you honestly loved me and cared for me still, you would leave me alone. you wouldn’t call. text. stop by. you would let me move on, because if you asked me, i would wish you farewell and the best regards to a happy life. honestly, you do not deserve a good goodbye. you deserve to be punched in the face and told to go to hell. if you only could understand that when you are gone, im better. the OCD subsides. the anger fades. im me again. not necessarily happy, but i’m content for the moment. i know that good things are coming to me, i just have to be patient. i know that one day the love that ive put out into the universe will return to me ….
… so awful thoughts, please have mercy on me. im trying. hope is gone with you. faith that you’ll change is non existent. i know there is nothing left for me with you, and im fine with that thought …
… please fucking disappear …
